24.  The way to ACT

 

The smiling, black woman is walking happily along the pavement in a busy city. She is singing a happy song, about sharing a love that’s in her heart. She wants the whole world to know and be happy too.

 

A scene from Christian movie on TV? Not until I noticed that she is passing bottles of a famous soft drink to passers by, did I realize it’s an advertisement.

    

The TV ad struck a cord deep within. The writing in the end is about the REAL world. I can’t see the word real no other than “re: a L”, it’s all about Love, all about God. Yes, I was living in the real world, doing unreal things, in a way.

 

In chapter 56 of my first book I wrote the launch of a new product under the slogan: Reward your curiosity. It took a while, but on Dec. 27th 2002, after a few months of churning thoughts over, it came to me that Vanilla backwards read: all in a V. I had implied that an advertising agency, or even someone at Coke themselves, were having fun too.

 

For a second time, again on the 27th of that month, I discovered another of their flavoured drinks and related it to “my story”. It happened while taking the dog for a walk. As I passed the house of a friend, Ben in Todd Road, I noticed two small red caps lying on the ground. Previously I had picked up caps, because to “see a P” is what my mission is all about. At first I couldn’t be bothered. I really did feel silly picking up stuff off the pavement. Ben’s adult daughter was outside talking to someone; I walked on only a few meters, when the urge grew to turn back and pick up the little red caps.

 

The two caps were a slightly different colour. One was just a Coke top, but the other read: “Cherry Coke”. It came in an instant – “He cry”. I had done lots of that and the world knew about it (all six of my fans). Vanilla had a powerful connotation, the V representing 5 and victory. Cherry had one “R” too many for the purpose. I could not ignore this fact, because a week prior there was an incredible chain of events that lead me to a story about an “R” missing. (Details later). The two caps were only a very small part of my growing collection of “interesting things”. Who knows there may be a Museum one day?  

 

Toward the end of 2003, for the first time in a long time, life seemed to be leading toward a specific goal. In my coded way of thinking – very outside the box thinking, which I have hinted to in the past, but will spare you repeating details - I figured that circumstances had opened up for me to try moving forward into politics.   

 

In the early 1990’s I had been a member of very small group of Christians that had formed into the “Call to Australia” Party. Later it changed its name to “Christian Democratic Party”. The main force behind this minor, Christian-values party was the Rev. Fred Nile in Sydney. He and his wife Elaine were Members of the New South Wales Parliament. South Australia never had a dynamo like Fred Nile. Our branch had virtually dried up for lack of interest.

 

Not until 2001, when a new Party (Family First) was formed, did the Christian Community have another Christian-based, political voice, the Rev. Andrew Evans, elected to the South Australian Upper House. At that time I already had joined the Liberal Party, one the two major parties in Australia, that had lead the Federal Government in Canberra since 1996. I considered changing to the new party. It held all the values I cherished, Christian principles, family and justice etc.

 

But I had already been elected Branch President of the Newland Branch of the Liberal Party, which held all the values I believed in, except it was not as Christian based as I would have liked. Leaving the party now would have shut the door forever. I believed that there were many Christians in the mainstream parties. If they were to unite in their stand for good morals and ethical principles, real change for the better was possible amongst the people, starting with Government.

 

One reason for becoming politically active was my desire to see some of my road safety ideas become reality. After a decade of creating, presenting and receiving knock-backs I wondered, if I had to become a Member of Parliament myself to have some of my ideas listened to, birthed and implemented?  

 

It was surprising to find how few people were politically active or attended party meetings. When one considers the enormous amount of power exerted by politicians, it astounded me that this power was in the hands of so few. At my first annual general meeting I had the intention of standing for a position within the Branch Committee. To my surprise nobody nominated for President, so I got elected. I thought this was better than Secretary. They do all the bureaucratic formalities, which I would have found tedious.

 

It took me until I was President of Newland to recognize the name as quite promising – new land. For the moment I was happy to try to revitalize the monthly party meetings. The Agenda I was given to follow consisted mainly of procedures, fundraising or upcoming political events. As one interested in politics, I would have liked to throw around some of my ideas on current issues or basic ethical values relating to Christian doctrines. What did everyone else think of abortion or euthanasia etc?

 

Occasionally we invited Members of Parliament or high profile politicians to speak at our meetings to create interest. My ideas of making branch meetings more colourful and appealing, to gain new members, fell on stony ground; so did my road safety ideas.

 

Following the turbulent events surrounding the 2002 State Election I once phoned a Federal Member of Parliament to receive a listening ear.  He was a Liberal Member in Canberra. Within hours I was asked, if I could come into the office for a chat. I must have said something I should not have and it would be better if I handed my resignation as Branch President. I did not do this, simply because I was not told what I had said wrongly.

 

Here is an excerpt of a letter to the Member of Parliament concerned:

 

>>> My religious zeal I have to learn to suppress, perhaps, even though I feel very passionate about my faith and am not ashamed in any way.

You and David have concerns that my views in certain areas may clash with Party policy sooner or later. Let’s wait and see and decide if and when it happens. I will not make any further comments about the two PL’s or the convicted criminal Terry Stephens. As you say, a police investigation ought to reveal the truth sooner or later. This is all that matters, that the truth will be exposed and any wrong doing dealt with justly. <<<

 

 

To resign suddenly as Branch President would open the door to speculation and gossip. Skeptics would believe the rumours that were (possibly still) circulating about me as before. That I had fallen out of favour with someone was obvious. Back in the early 1990’s when I started speaking up about the new system of driver training some of my driving instructor colleagues told me I was good at making enemies. Not much had changed on entering the political arena, obviously.

 

At the November branch meeting I announced our Christmas function at a private home – the venue was to be decided, but all would be notified. The branch secretary sent out an invitation to this special occasion, but all was not invited. Leading up to the annual general meeting 2003 I knew my association at that branch had come to an end. But why not go out with a little colour and flair. Here is my president’s report for the AGM 2003:

 

 Monday  24 February 2003 - 7.15 PM

Presidents Report

 

Since joining the Liberal Party and Newland Central in July 2001 I had the privilege to take part in a Federal Election as well as a State Election. It has been valuable experience. Working with the campaign helpers made me realize what a great bunch of people the Liberals of Newland really are. 

 

I am glad that both the Federal Member and our own sitting Member have both held or extended their margins to establish their positions in the electorate.

 

After less than a year as party member, I was voted President for Newland Central, much to everyone’s surprise. Apart from being perfect, I have one weakness - volunteering for everything, instead of saying - No! So without much political experience, let alone as Branch President, I learned a few lessons:

 

1. Treading on people’s toes is OK, but watch out, whose foot the toe is attached to.

2. You can open your mouth and say anything, just make sure the right people hear. Hear, hear!

3. Female politicians are so vain they match their name with the colour of their dress.

4. Nobody will do a handstand just for you. So don’t hang an election poster upside down.

5. A little humour goes a long way, as long it goes in the right direction.

 

Please note three main points:

 

1. Thanks to all Branch Members, especially the sitting Member, the Vice-President, the Secretary and Treasurer for their work and support for the Branch and especially the “greenie” President. 

 

2. My political future will not be at the Newland Branch. I will therefore not stand for re-election and will be seeking transfer to another Liberal Party Branch in the near future. 

 

3.  The decision has nothing to do with any wrongs anyone has done (I think I did not really have opportunity to do anything.) I am purely led by my “conscience” (I could use a stronger, religious term, but this is perhaps inappropriate to express at this platform) and believe this is the right step to take for the good of all.

 

One last point; whoever takes up leadership in Newland, or indeed in the Liberal Party, must uphold good, old-fashioned values and resist the temptation to embrace new, but often anti-Christian attitudes, just to be trendy. Every Liberal Party member wants to be respected for what they do and what they contribute; if Bob is not my uncle or I have never raced in Prince Alfred College rowing team, should not be a handicap.

 

I wish the new President and all members of the Newland Branch all the best for the future.

 

Dieter R. Fischer

President, Newland Central

Adelaide, 24/2/03

 

 

(I deleted the names of the office bearer’s on purpose). One female politician once wore a bright yellow dress at a function. It struck me funny, because the first three letters of her surname were “red”. During the state election campaign I persuaded my co-campaign worker to hang an election poster upside down on the electricity pole, just for fun. I bet that one poster was the talking point in the suburb.   

 

The reference to handstands reminded me of watching on TV one of Australia’s most famous footballers doing at least two handstands. One on the field after his team, the Brisbane Lions, won their third premiership in a row, the other during a celebration later. One day an article appeared in a newspaper about this player’s experiences in “communicating” with a deceased relative. My antenna went up, calling for action. I sent an email to the Brisbane’s Lions on 15/2/04.

 

 

 

Hi all,

If Jason lived in Adelaide I would say the heat got to him. (Yesterday 44, today 42 degrees).

 

But I think it must be those handstands he does. I saw him do at least two after winning last years AFL grand final.

 

Talking to the dead is OK, Jason. It's when they talk back to you, then you have a problem.

 

Still better, talk to the living God and when HE talks back to you, it will really blow you over.

 

Kind regards from Adelaide

Dieter Rolf Fischer

 

PS  The Brisbane Lions and I have one thing in common - we both like hat tricks.

 

 

While searching for another branch to join, I quite fancied the name “Bonython”. The first three letters mean “good” in French. In the back of my mind I thought of standing as a candidate for Federal Parliament. This seat was definitely not a good choice. The sitting member had been there for many years; the seat was in safe Labour territory.

 

My other handicap, for a better word, was the fact that I was a whistleblower and had not hidden this fact from anyone. How on earth did I think I could ever get pre-selected by the party, let alone voted by the general population into Federal Parliament? I knew I could change, if I had to. But I was having so much fun writing crazy articles about stories I had read in the papers etc.

 

One incident was supposed to have taken place aboard an aircraft out of Hobart, Tasmania. It was reported in the Adelaide Advertiser, 15/1/04, page 15; the airline was Virgin Blue; this plus other data triggered my linking brain and spun it into the following letter to Virgin Blue Customer’s Department, with a copy to the Advertiser:

 

Virgin Blue Airlines

Marketing/Customer Service 

 

Flight from Hell  DJ 145

 

Dear Sir/Madam or whatever your title,

 

Adelaide’s Advertiser P. 15 on 15/1/04 reported an incidence on a flight to Melbourne. They described it as a ‘flight from hell’. What an insult to beautiful Hobart on the River Derwent.  

 

Anyway, whoever said the woman looked nervous, and should not have been allowed on the flight, was rather naive. You should have seen her when we did right-hand-turns at traffic lights during her driving lessons! If they only let on “cool-looking” dudes onto an aircraft, many would not be fit to fly, Virgin or otherwise.

 

The report said that she only gave her name as Ally. This rang a bell with me straight away. It sounds very much like the mad-woman next door. Her surname is Mitchell, nee Galgen, formerly from Marden. The other day, the date was the 11th of September, I think, I saw her take off her bra, spread out her arms wide and run amok in her back yard. After 5 minutes of trying in vain to get airborne, she bumped into the two palm trees near our fence. She got a bleeding nose.

 

I would not take her too seriously, poor thing - she has a fascination for flying, baseball and toplessness. She also has an obsession about performing topless in Lygon Street and in her underpants on a baseball diamond in LA. The 2nd anniversary of the dreadful day must have been too much for her. Watch out next year, she might try to get onto a US-bound flight secretly!? 

 

On Wednesday, the day of the reported flight-incident, I saw Ally Mitch at the Italian ‘all-you-can-eat’ Spaghetti Restaurant. She thought ‘all you can eat’ is a challenge, and placed a bet with my mate Carlos. A hundred bucks - whoever has the last mouthful. Now you understand, why she made a mess in her pants later. (Amazing how newspapers report irrelevant details like that sh..., but leave world-shattering news unreported).

 

Your pilot described the incident as “environmental anomaly”. I would agree with him totally, if I knew what he meant by that. I trust you know what I am trying to say. If not, please have a talk to my wife Isobel; she doesn’t either. But please don’t mention anything about Ally to my wife, she doesn’t know anything. Ally is the only friend I have. Better a topless 23 year-old female incontinent madwoman as a friend than none at all. You agree? 

 

Yours (not very) seriously. 

Dieter Fischer 

 

PS.  Ally told me she wants to go into parliament. She asked me to support her.  

 

 

A few facts in above article are correct – the name Ally, her dirtying her pants and the pilot’s comment of an “environmental anomaly”. (This last word alone tells me - “am on a ly”).

 

I sure would have to change my ways if I was to join the gang of lawyers, businessmen and other respected leaders of our nation in Canberra, ACT. Isobel assured me, even if I did make it to Canberra, I would not last long. I love such a challenge. Miracles had happened before, another one or two, why not?

 

Which would be the greater miracle, getting there or me keeping my mouth shut, to gain respect once I got there?

 

 

Chapter 25

 

Index