32. A mental, beautiful mind
For my 52nd birthday I had been given two movie tickets. On Friday 15/3 (at the time I had not yet recognized the date as significant) we decided to join with friends and see the movie “A beautiful mind”. The moving film was about the life Math’s genius John Nash and his struggle and triumph over schizophrenia. The Australian actor Russell Crowe played the main actor superbly.
Watching John Nash’s struggle was a very emotional experience. My mind kept drawing parallels. Wasn’t I supposed to be a mathematics whiz? Did I not struggle with a mental illness? I smiled when I noticed how John Nash was pretending to take his tablets, but didn’t. Do I not have a wife that sticks by me as far as she can? I had difficulty holding back the tears, as I often did on many occasions, especially in church when we sang sacred hymns which touched my innermost spirit. Apart from the friends our 12 year old son Jon was also with us watching ‘A beautiful mind’. I had to control my emotion, it was hard.
The whole weekend I could not stop thinking about the movie. Especially the role John Nash’s wife played in believing in her husband. Why can’t Isobel try to believe in me like that? My diary quotes: The real pain is that Isobel believes more in tablets and the doctors than in God. On the Sunday the loneliness, the self doubt, the emotion of it all overwhelmed me. I sobbed uncontrollably in the computer room. I had to email someone to relieve the pain.
I typed the following email early morning on Sunday 17/3/03:
Have you seen the movie yet? I was given tickets for my birthday to Hoyt’s. On Friday night my wife Isobel and I watched the torment maths genius John Nash had to endure and battle through to victory. How I can identify with the story! The only problem is I still believe that on May 13th in the Balcony Room of Parliament House you stood right beside me. I heard you introduce yourself as Rebekah Devlin from the Advertiser and interview Rory McEwen. He said he was taking bets 2/1 on Peter Lewis supporting the Liberals.
In the Advertiser I read about the false starts to the delayed Press Conference when the door opened and everyone was disappointed because only the odd student on work experience walked in. What made me think...? Never mind.
Like in the movie my wife suffered with me over the years. She is definitely number two in my life. I let you guess who No. 1 may be. But when I see a connection in the paper or even on TV she panics when I just mention the possibility of... Then I assure her that I have taken my tablets (mostly). How I love her! But the pain of not being able to share my innermost thoughts with her is making me cry right over this keyboard.
I wonder if John Nash ever knew Christ. Without my No.1 I would be the loneliest man in the world. If you want to know the circumstances why I was in Parliament House at 4 PM on Feb 13th, I am happy to tell you. But no one is returning my emails these days. Perhaps you also believe I have an illness. That's fine. God can use even a mental illness for HIS purposes.
PS. That was an anxious looking face of Nick Xenophon in the paper a couple of weeks ago!
On Friday 22/03/02 I was ‘on full alert’, according to my diary. I had almost ½ hour to travel to my first lesson at Mount Osmond. As I drove past the franchised cake shop, which normally flies balloons the colours of traffic lights, I noticed three balloons of the same colour, yellow. A moment later radio 5 DN played the song ‘Friday on my mind’. On Glynburn Road I noticed a VW van parked outside No. 483. By co-incidence it was exactly the same type and colour of the van I use with my visual teaching aid. (My website shows the vehicle in question).
My curiosity took hold of me again. After picking up the student for her lesson, I steered her straight back to the yellow van on Glynburn Road. As if on cue, a man stepped from the van right in front of us. He held a red folder in his hand.
The story continues on the email message I sent the next day to Rex Jory, the deputy editor of The Advertiser. As way of introduction I mentioned that I was the person who had suggested a solution to the Britannia Corner roundabout three years ago. Motorists had been promised it would be fixed, but nothing happened. The email picks up the story:
The colour combination immediately struck me. For a flash of a second I searched for the green, to complete the set, but only saw him holding a black square with the folder. Black! Why not green? Our local Messenger Press features a headline with black background, including the word death.
The colours red and yellow have caught my eyes so much lately. At church the pastor placed yellow and red spotlights in the auditorium. At a recent conference I attended, the room was covered in (you guessed it) yellow and red balloons. I even took notice of today’s newsreader on ABC’s world at noon, Jane Hutchins. She had a bright red jacket and a yellow top underneath.
You may ask, just as I have done over many years: What is the purpose of it all?
I believe the maker of the universe, the God of Israel, in His love and mercy is speaking to many, many people. He is calling them to repent of their wrong doing and turn the other way, a U-Turn, if you like.
Injustice and evil can never stand before God. Truth by its very nature endures forever. Everyone still has a chance to turn to HIM before the door shuts for the final time.
Yes, I believe the story will one day be told. Not my story - HIS story.
God bless you and your team.
I still wondered what the journalists thought of my emails or what they did with it, but never worried about it. God was using my email service, my brain, my fingers, my P/C. Who was I to ask God what HE was doing? I believed that if I commit the day to HIM every morning HE will not let me down, doing wrong things. Foolish things on the surface, perhaps, but ultimately they were all in HIS plan.
Leading up to Easter email traffic and messages in the newspaper were hotting up. A large picture of a Canadian Rodeo event appeared in the paper. Players sit and play poker. A bull is released and charges the group of players. The last one sitting at the end is declared the winner. I emailed Rebekah telling her about the similarity I can see between the ‘last man sitting’ and ‘the last man standing’.
It was reported in a lengthy article that Rebekah Devlin had just undertaken a mock driving test and failed on little things. The following email traffic would reveal an interesting co-incidence, if anyone still prefers that word. The name of the winning player in this case was a ‘Chuck’. Chuck happens to be the name of my only contact in Canada, who manages my Canadian web address.
Now you know what bull we driving instructors have to put up with every day. Instead of teaching people driving safely, we have to insist on silly government regulations, that made a fool out of (I'm sure you are) a good safe driver.
Reform is needed badly. Perhaps my letter to the Editor (I sent one two days ago) will be published soon and some corrective measures taken.
PS. I would love to take part in a rodeo in Canada, but only if my surname was Bradman.
(Please take note of the name in the last line.)
In a letter to the editor 2 days earlier, I explained the weaknesses of the log book system. My struggle against the madness of “Competency Based Training” of new drivers had now lasted for over ten years. When would the authorities or journalists or anyone listen? Despite a phone call authenticating details, my letter had never got printed.
I awoke very early on Good Friday. As every morning my thoughts enjoyed its creative freedom in those pre-dawn hours. I used to receive the most wonderful ideas and concepts before and during my early Morning Prayer times. The name Bradman had me worried. Had I used the correct name in my last email to Rebekah, I wondered? I checked on the P/C and realized my mistake. But when it hit me that I had mixed up Bradman with Bradbury I was astounded. Not just the combination man-bury, but the timing of it all; it was Good Friday. I emailed on Easter Monday:
On Good Friday I woke very early with a thought. I was unsure, if I had made a mistake in my email to you the day before. Did I write the right name Bradbury or Bradman? I felt a little embarrassed having made such a blunder, but figured that you would know who I meant.
Later in the afternoon, after I checked and confirmed that I indeed wrote Brad man my embarrassment suddenly turned into amazement. I should have written Brad bury.
This is as bad as Mandy, except it was revealed in the middle of the afternoon on Good Friday.
Despite having received a call from the Advertiser to authenticate my "Letter to the Editor" it has not been printed. Seems like nothing has changed. But you can't bury truth forever. It rises to the hightest place of prominence despite a world of opposition.
God bless you
PS If you do not want to receive any more emails from me, simply press the reply button and type - no more. Be sure to spell no correctly.
On Thursday 04/04/02 an article appeared in the Advertiser about wearing ties. The writer, Tony Baker, used the words not and knot as a play on words in the script. I immediately linked it to my PS above. The name Knott would in a few months become rather significant.
The reason I was mainly contacting The Advertiser newspaper via Rebekah was firstly because I saw her personally at Parliament House. Secondly, as seen in the PS above, there was a time when I was ready to give up emailing journalists. They never bothered replying. In reply to above PS, the deputy editor emailed me: “Send emails to Rebekah.”
At least I was not totally wiped off the earth as a total lunatic.
After strange events, like the man-bury incident, I wondered if journalists think that I had arranged them. If I had, I ought to be regarded as genius, to think up such weird and wonderful happenings. In my heart, deep down in my spirit, no one knew better than I that God’s power was at work. Would it ever become public and make headlines? It was HIS work I was engaged in. Where it would lead to was up to HIM.
It was such a liberating feeling to know that I did not have to sell anything, convince anybody or prove myself in any way. God himself was at work; of this I was convinced. And HE was about to show himself even more dramatically.
Autobiography - Dieter Fischer
1. More in number 2. A sound mind 3. Now I'm found 4. Candle and the Wind
5. Realm of Nature 6. All in his Hand 7. The Wonder of it All 8. To Think God loves